Confessions of an Imperfect Wife

I have a confession to make. Ready? I fail miserably at being a wife. Let me explain.

A couple of Sunday's ago, I was really looking forward to going to church-with my husband. You see, our pastor Tim Grosshans was going to speak on marriage-you know, that 1 Corinthians 7 chapter. Well, I was really excited about this because I felt like my husband could use a "reminder" about what it meant to be, you know, a good husband. So I was all excited about the "reminders" my husband would be receiving and in turn, was really looking forward to this service.

Well of course, our 10-month old decided to fall asleep in the car (he was truly lacking sleep at that point) and thus, my husband decided to drive around in order to let him sleep. So there I was, going to this marriage service by myself even though I knew it was my husband that needed to be there.

Needless to say, the Lord spoke to me in some big ways. I remember walking out of the service thinking, "Jen, are you serious? Did you really think that you had this marriage thing all figured out? All morning you spent thinking about how good it would be for Luke to be reminded of some things when the reality is Jen, you needed to be reminded of many things!" Some of these things included:

* Snapping at my husband when "moody"

* Becoming easily annoyed over stupid things

* Expecting him to read my mind at all times

* Focusing on the things that would annoy me instead of focusing on the great things about my husband

* Being selfish

* Expecting him to be Jesus-basically, expecting him to be perfect

It was at that point that I realized how desperately I needed God to work in my own life. Instead of always thinking about the things that I felt needed to be changed in my husband, it was time for me to start thinking about the things that Christ wanted to change in my life in order to make me the wife that He not only desires for me to be, but also the wife that my husband deserves to have.

So, let me ask you this-are you always thinking about those areas in the life of your husband that you feel need to be changed, or are you spending more time at the feet of Jesus asking Him to change you and mold you into the wife that He desires you to be?

What areas of your life do you need to change?

NEVER EVER GIVE UP IN LIFE

Does anxiety seem to get the best of you?

I am so excited to share this encouraging post from a great friend of mine, Rosie Wittleder. May her transparency encourage you!

“Papa God, I am a total stress case again. I hate this. There is so much going on that I have never done before and I am extremely out of my comfort zone. I feel like I am in way over my head. And my anxiety is high. Please help me. I know in my head that you wouldn’t have me doing all of this if you didn’t think I could do it with your help. But still this just looks too daunting. Please help me God. I don’t want to waste this day being preoccupied with worry.”

Ladies, this journal entry from 2 weeks ago, gives you just a slight glimpse of the battles I face with anxiety. Can you relate? What things do you worry about? Your children, your marriage, your plans, what others think of you, etc?

There was a woman that could relate to the fear and anxiety that comes with embarking upon a difficult task. And that person is Esther. She risked her life to go speak to the King in order to spare her people, the Jews, from being killed. In Esther 4:11, we see the tough predicament that Esther is in, when Mordecai suggested she approach the king. She says, “All the king’s officials and the people of the royal provinces know that for any man or woman who approaches the king in the inner court without being summoned, the king has but one law: that he be put to death. The only exception to this is for the king to extend the gold scepter to him and spare his life. But 30 days have passed since I was called to go to the king.”

Can you imagine the anxiety Esther must have felt? She knows how miraculous it is that she is queen in the first place. And then, she is challenged to risk her life in order to save her people. To make things worse, the king doesn’t have a close relationship with her, since he hasn’t seen her in 30 days. If all of this isn’t cause for anxiety, I don’t know what is. Yet, Esther was bold. She was courageous. She proceeded to do the right thing even though everything was at stake. The king granted her request, and God used Esther to save his people.

As we relate this to our own lives, how can we overcome such anxiety that can leave us paralyzed in fear? What do we do when we are plagued with anxiety?

I’d like to share with you some of what I am learning about anxiety in Philippians chapter 4. Verses 6 through 8: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.

As I was desperately studying these verses, begging for relief from my anxiety, it came to me in tangible steps how God suggests we deal with this issue:

Step 1 – Petition to God – What does this mean?
Definition of petition: A formal message requesting something that is submitted to an authority. To petition means that at some level we are implying that the person we are approaching is in a place of authority or power. So this step is setting straight what the “org chart” is between God and us, where He is above, and we am under, in terms of power. Thus causing us to realize our need for Him.

Step 2 – Remember what things you are thankful for. Why this is important?
Expressing gratitude gives us a broader scope on the situation, causing our anxiety to start to subside, as we can look at our situation in its proper perspective. Especially after we consider what He’s already done in our lives. When we start out with what we are grateful for, suddenly our perspective begins to change.

Step 3 – Present all of our requests to God
At times, my pride got in the way, as I convinced myself that I didn’t need to give all my requests to Him since I could handle some of them on my own. The problem is, those other requests that I wasn’t presenting to him, were creating additional anxiety because I was frantically trying to solve them on my own. He wants to hear all of our requests, whether big or small.

What is the result of the first three steps? Peace that is beyond our comprehension will guard our minds and hearts. I love that! His peace protects our minds from going wild.

Step 4 – Replace the anxiety we once had, with truth about that situation.
It is important to replace those thoughts we used to have, with thoughts that are true. And choose focus on those things instead. So, during the course of our day, when those fears and anxieties creep up again, we will remind yourself of the truth in that particular situation. This gives us the ability to avoid going down that road of unnecessary anxiety.

For me, the last few months have been plagued with anxiety as I take on a new role of leading women. I feel too young to be able to do this well. In addition, I feel like I have too much baggage to be effective. All of these thoughts create a lot of anxiety for me. But, as I’ve begun to petition to God, come with thankfulness, present all my requests to him, and focus my mind on the things that are true, for the first time I am able to quit worrying about fearful situations for that day.

Today my challenge is, to look at how God suggests we deal with fear and anxiety, as opposed to other options we may take, such as food, shopping, others’ approval, public recognition, or any other choice we may prefer. Dealing with our fears in a healthy way allows us to be able to follow through on His purpose for our lives. So we too can be like Esther, who despite her fear and anxiety, fulfilled her purpose of saving her people. We can do the same, if we will commit to moving through our own fears and anxieties. So, what is God nudging you to surrender to him today that is causing stress, worry, or anxiety?

Do your reactions hold you back?

"God honoring reactions will give us a God sized reach"-Lysa TerKeurst,

This past weekend I had the opportunity to attend the She Speaks conference in Charlotte, NC. I've actually wanted to attend for a few years now, but never really had the opportunity. All I can say is that it was an AMAZING weekend of not only spending some great quality girl time with two great girls, but also having the opportunity to meet a variety of women who desire nothing more than to follow hard after God and His calling on their life. It truly was an inspirational weekend.

While everything at this conference was great, there is one thing that has really stuck out to me-the quote listed above. I can't help but continually think about the way I react in different situations. Ever since Lysa spoke those words, "God honoring reactions will give us a God sized reach", I can't help but think before I react. While this is a good thing, it is also annoying at times because the reality is, I've come to realize what a major overhaul I need in this area. My reactions are not always so God honoring.

I've continually been "checking" myself when responding to my husband, coworkers, child, and friends. And you know what I have realized? The more I think before I react, the better my reactions end up being. And honestly, this not only brings a smile to my face (and I'm sure the the faces of those that I react to!), but also to the face of God.

How will you choose to react differently this week? Remember, "God honoring reactions will give you a God sized reach". Isn't this what we all long for? I know I do!